How to Provide Feedback That Builds Instead of Breaks
Discover how avoiding criticism can build trust, inspire collaboration, and strengthen your leadership.
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” — Dale Carnegie
Criticism is often the quickest reaction to mistakes or disappointments—but it rarely leads to improvement. Instead, it tends to breed resentment and defensiveness.
Early in his political career, Abraham Lincoln was quick to criticize others publicly. However, after witnessing the backlash and recognizing the harm it caused to relationships, he changed his approach. Instead of calling out mistakes, he began seeking to understand the perspectives of others and offering gentle guidance. This shift helped him navigate some of the most contentious moments in American history with remarkable tact and diplomacy.
The truth is, criticism may temporarily relieve our frustration, but it rarely improves the situation. In contrast, constructive feedback framed with empathy and patience can foster growth and mutual respect.
When addressing a mistake, try starting with a question rather than an accusation: “What led to this outcome?” or “How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again?” This approach invites dialogue rather than defensiveness.
Another strategy is to acknowledge the positive before discussing areas of improvement. For example: “I appreciate how much effort you put into this project. There are a couple of adjustments we could make to align more closely with the client’s expectations. What do you think about trying X?”
This technique, known as the “compliment sandwich,” is a simple yet effective way to ensure your message is received constructively.
Action Step: This week, practice delivering feedback without criticism. When addressing an issue, start by recognizing the effort or intent behind the action, then offer constructive suggestions. Avoid language that blames or shames.
By choosing to guide rather than criticize, you’ll foster an environment where people feel safe to learn and grow. The result? Stronger collaboration, higher morale, and a more resilient team.
To learn more about how to build influence and strengthen relationships, be sure to check out our book of the week: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.